Beggar's Heart

When You build, it feels like You tear me apart
When you heal, it always leaves a scar
And even when You fill, You leave me with a beggar's heart

-bethany dillon

Pictures.

Transition.

This whole year has seemed to be one of huge transition. Living alone for the first time. Planning a wedding. Learning to be a wife. Figuring out what kind of job I want, and then figuring out what kind of job I can actually get. Changing churches... twice. Being content with that fact.... etc.

Now I am usually one to embrace change. I love when things are moving. I even enjoy moving. Packing up and then getting all settled in somewhere new. But things have been changing...slowly. I like fast movement. But I'm beginning to see that God is using each opportunity to teach me to trust him more. A lesson I thought I had learned previously, but am realizing I still have much to learn.

Other things in the life:
We have a sweet new puppy. Meet Mr. Bruce.


He's a handful. But a sweetheart, of course. ;)

I'm also waiting to hear back about jobs. IBC hired me as an intern to head up their Thanksgiving Basket project. I'm looking forward to that and ready to get into it. Waiting to hear back about an IBC/Apartment Life job that would be awesome. I also turned in all my paperwork last week to Mansfield ISD for substitute teaching. Actually really looking forward to that. So depending on the timing of when everything could happen, I could be looking at 4 different jobs all at once. Adding that to Ben's current 3 jobs and we are really wondering what God is doing with us. No full time jobs have opened up, so this looks like this is how our lives will be looking for a bit, at least. Trusting... trusting.

Other than that, we're just trying to figure out what we'll do when our lease is up in January. Trying to get Ben enrolled in school at UTA for the spring semester. Looking forward. A little blindly, but with renewed confidence that the Lord has a plan. ;)

I hope all is well in your world.

I'm realizing more and more what a gift from the Lord my husband is to me. This week has felt very heavy. In times past, when a heavy weight sits on my shoulder, I retreat and find solace in my aloneness. But it's hard to do that when you are married, have nowhere to run, and can't find the strength to hide the strain. He is there. My sweet husband has these amazing arms that hold me when I feel so fragile. He kisses away my tears and prays strength and peace over me. God's grace in bringing him to me overwhelms me. We walk so deeply together. There's no room for hiding or staying shallow with him. He knows me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And yet, his love is unwavering. What a testament to the love of Christ! An incredible picture of God enabling man to experience, if for only a glimpse, of his sweet love for us. Those moments of walking deeply make the petty arguments and frustrations of everyday life seem so meaningless. Maybe that's how God sees his love toward us. He knows us so intimately and has such an all-encompassing love for us that our short-comings and mistakes pale in comparison. I want to learn to love like this. God and man. Reclaim the compassion that once flooded my heart. I miss it.