the ideal.

I think Karl Marx has gotten a worse rap than he really deserves. I think he was simply an idealist. I relate with many of his frustrations, and even think he has some great thoughts on how living should look. The only problem is that we live in this horribly fallen world. Otherwise... it would be fantastic. I was reading in Romans the other day about how we are to love each other. To love generously, give to those in need, hold nothing against a neighbor, and love our enemies. I see so many areas in which I fall short of these things. Then I look at the Church in Acts where they had everything in common and loved each other and took care of each other. That didn't seem to last for very long. I wonder what happened. My heart longs for that. I am torn between idealism and reality. I want to live in harmony with everyone. Love and give. I have a love-hate relationship with money. It is a necessary evil in my eyes. When we were discussing Marx in my class, I think everyone kind of missed the point. Sure, it's inherently flawed and so beyond anything that we experience in our capitalistic society that we can't even begin to imagine anything like his idea of communism. He thought everyone should work hard, and in that hard work be rewarded with enough to get through life comfortably. My classmates argued that it simply isn't fair for a doctor and receptionist to get paid the same amount of money when one is clearly worthy of a higher wage. I think Marx believed that in his society, people would be working not out of any kind of monetary ambition, but simply because that is the work that they love to do. Greed would have to be completely lost for that to work. I think he painted a picture of a really pretty world: no greed. no strife between neighbors because everyone is working toward the common good. People would live together and give as they saw need. We have given money such a prominent role in our culture. Sure... you have to have money to live. But why should money be our motivation. We assign value to things. Nothing is inherently valuable. Gold holds no value until someone says it does. Same with our paper money. The copper that makes up a penny is worth more than the exchange of a penny in our culture. Think about that for a second. Sometimes I sit and imagine a society with no money. Boo for capitalism. Makes me want to go live on a commune... but that would be crazy, right? At least that's what I've been told.....

dream big.

hi. this is what i want to do with my life. amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ck2ltGyvTs

grateful for grace.

i am learning more and more that all things change. that i do not have God figured out. that my own inadequacies are glaring and that i need God every step of the way. why does it seem that i have been this place before? it's like clockwork. I find myself in a desperate situation and realize that only the Lord holds my life and can order my steps. so i pursue him hard and run to his feet with passion and zeal. then things start falling into place once again and i walk along feeling like God and me and doing pretty good until one day i wake up realizing that i no longer rely upon him for every breath and every step. it's not that i've become "bad" or have neglected to acknowledge him at work in my life. i just realize that the depth i once experience has been stolen by my own independence and self-reliance. he is no longer my sustenance. i am jolted once again with a recognition of my own depravity and a disconnectedness from my ever faithful creator. it's a slippery slope because i have a deceiving sense of my present journey with him. i know the right things to say. i pray and i still see things through a lens of christianity and righteousness. it's innate in me. by his grace, might i add. but in that, i don't even realize what is happening. how is this cycle ever going to end? i try not to rely on anyone. wanting to walk on my own and shielding myself from vulnerability. so how am i supposed to consistently hold to a deep vulnerability with this seemingly invisible force. it takes effort to recognize God in the world around us. how grateful am i for a reminder this week that God is faithful and pursues us even when we don't realize or understand his actions. we are unable to know him and cannot fathom the crazy path he takes us on. so while i become frustrated with my never-ending cycle of dependence and self-sufficiency, i'm learning to take life one day at a time. to not worry about the steps i can take to change my own heart, but trust that the Lord is faithful to guide me through today and will take care of the heart-changing stuff on his own. so today, i choose to be grateful for the grace that he lavishes on me. the persistence with which he pursues and never neglects to humble me and make me once again dependent.