hope in heartache.

i've been thinking a lot about love and heartache. i've been thinking about how differently we as christians should and do deal with these issues. i mean.. we hurt just as deeply as everyone else, but we can have a different perspective on the pain. if we really believe that the Lord is both sovereign and good, even our pain becomes an opportunity for growth.. and joy. it seems that these times of deep pain can be some of the most beautiful moments with the Lord. think about it.. when we come to this place of complete brokenness, and then for even just a moment see a crystal clear glimpse of how the Lord is working growth through the situation, and we are able to feel the closeness of the spirit like we can only experience when we are at the end of ourselves, then we can hold to hope in our spirit that He is all we could ever need or want. our life becomes no longer about the pain we are experiencing in this moment, but about something much bigger than ourselves. truly realizing that our life is not our own. finding the only true life in laying ours down. this crazy paradox that miraculously leads to more freedom and joy than we could have ever imagined. without Christ, what can the world hope in? without this understanding that the Almighty is intricately working in our lives to bring us a place of greatest joy, how can they deal with the dark, deep hurts that we feel? my heart is burdened tonight for those that experience pain without a hope to which they can cling.

strength in weakness.

my devotional yesterday talked about resting in times of weakness. funny.. 'cause the Lord has been teaching this to me in the last few weeks. i always want to do something. fix things. if something is wrong, i want to work toward a solution. make progress. move forward. and the Lord has so graciously put me at a place where everything is literally outside of my control. there is nothing that i can do. no arm that i can twist. no band-aid that i can put on my heart to make it feel better. it's simply going to take time and the Lord's grace and healing to pull me through this point. a frustrating and freeing lesson all in one. realizing it is out of my control is something that is hard for me to accept and be able to operate within. but at the same time, makes me feel so free in realizing that i don't have to figure it out. i don't have to try to move forward and find healing. i can lean on Him and He will be my strength. in His time, He will pull me to the other side and make something so beautiful in its time. He does that. not me. i can take no credit. so i wait. patiently? well.. i try to wait patiently, at least.. leaning upon Him and the support of priceless friends to hold me up and teach me in the midst of weakness.

He is good.

i'm a big fan of moments when the Lord reminds us just to have fun.

He is good.

growth.

i'm like one of those people i badger about posting more frequently. my apologies to any that may have been a victim to my badgering.

the Lord has been so faithful in teaching me soooo much over the last couple of months. i will hit the high points:

1. i am learning to cling to Him in ways that i've never known before. being the self-sufficient, independent girl that i am.. i've been broken and so aware of my need of His strength. i'm learning my inadequacy, but find hope in realizing that He is adequate.

2. in the midst of my learning to cling to Him, i'm also learning the beauty of deep community. finding wholeness through shared experiences and accountability. all in all, i suppose you could say that my independent banner i have proudly held most of my life has been broken down. and what a beautiful process it has been.

3. logic fails. this has probably been one of the hardest lessons for me to learn. i want to believe that things can be explained, but the Lord has shown me through several broken situations that i can't figure Him out. His ways are higher than mine, and i can't understand what He does. this lesson is also coupled with the realization that i can't always use logic to sway my heart. sometimes we just have to feel hurt and pain, and no matter how clearly we can see the situation, that doesn't soothe a broken heart. the only thing that can do that is time and continued pursuit of the Lord.

4. He is good. even when i can't understand what's going on.. i can rest in this crazy faith that my life is being held together by the almighty creator of the universe, and He loves me. so even the most distressful situations can be seen as glorious because it is all part of his plan in moving us toward Him. it is beautiful.

5. i overthink things. i know.. surprising. but seriously.. i need to learn to STOP thinking and just stop and praise. if i am pursing Him, He's not gonna let me get all crazy and screw up my life. He's directing it anyway, so i must just draw closer to Him and listen for His whispers to know the next step toward His purposes in my life.

those are some tidbits. there's so much more.. but let's just stop and rest in him for a moment. find our hearts' satisfaction in him alone.. everything else fades in the light of that.