hold tight.

i am more convinced than ever that God lets me make my plans just to appease me as i feel that He might be swaying my heart once again. i've come to learn such a sweet lesson over the last several months of living life with an open hand. truly trusting that God's plans are so much bigger and better than mine, and that He will open the doors He wants me to walk through. i can't rely upon my own intellect or reasoning. God doesn't live within the realm of my logic. so i trust. that He has this bigger plan. and in my fear of missing out on something and losing life experience, He will grant me the only life truly worth living. all these are words that i have heard many times before, but they have become intensely sweet to my soul. i have realized their truth and the power in their depth. there's too many amazing options.. too many opportunities.. i can't figure out the best. so i'll "settle" for where God leads. he is good. he is sovereign. and he is great. i have nothing to worry about. just time once again to cling tightly to the hand he so graciously offers to me and learn to enjoy the ride.

it's christmas!!

wisdom.

i loved this verse in proverbs i read this morning. such a wise statement...

"two things i ask of you; deny them not to me before i die: remove far from me falsehood and lying; give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest i be full and deny you and say, "who is the Lord?" or lest i be poor and steal and profane the name of my God."

to be content with just the food that i need... *sigh*

also:
"whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered."
prov 28:26

no more back-ups.

we've been talking about abraham at church recently. very intriguing. one of the points mentioned in the sermon was that God told abraham to let go of ishmael and send him away. this was abraham's back-up plan. he trusted God, but still had the assurance that if something was to happen to isaac, he had another son that could fulfill God's promises. but God said no. so abraham trusted God and sent ishmael and hagar away. he had to let go of his back-up plan and trust that God was going to do what he said he was going to do.

in the last year.. really even six months, i have grown to trust God so much. i used to try really hard to trust God, but really lived in a state of anxiety over things that i cannot control. i've had to learn that even when i try to hold things in my closed hand, they never work out like i plan. beyond that, God's way is better anyway, so letting go of anxiety and really resting in the peace that God is sovereign.. and truly good.. is so much more incredible than trying to figure it out on my own. even so, those words last week pierced my heart. i trust God and i believe that he will fulfill his purposes in my life, but i do hold to back-up plans "just in case." i'm a control freak. i want to feel like i have some sort of control over the things that happen in my life. but God is saying to let those go and trust fully.

life is confusing. it throws curveballs and i try to logically feel my way through. i'm learning that my logic falls short and i must rest in the freedom and peace that God alone can lead my path.

"oh, for grace to trust Him more..."