change.

I've been looking back on my college years the last couple of days. It's so sad to me to think about how close you become to so many people. How familiar their smell, their touch, their voice. And then you wake up one day, and they are simply gone. Even in the instance of an eventual drifting apart, you realize all at once that they are no longer the friend you once knew. I've had so many of these throughout my life, and SO many in just the last four years. A time of much growth, much togetherness, and a new determination to live deeply. But even in depth of life, no guarantee exists that those with whom you walk deeply will still be walking by your side in the years to come. We move fast and things change, and if you resist the change, you only end up making yourself miserable because things will change whether you like it or not. So does that mean you stop loving? Stop fighting for depth of life? Maybe that should motivate us to fight harder. Love deeper. I've had the honor to be friends with some amazing people in my lifetime. But I can't hold to them and refuse to let change happen. I must appreciate and savor every moment I was able to share and then let go to see the incredible places the Lord leads us. But I'm still saddened at knowing that I will say good-bye for the last time at some point to a great majority of the people I have come to hold so close to my heart. The thought of all the effort required to build new, deep friendship exhausts me. I know it's natural and gradual, but sometimes I just want to hold the earth still and revisit that moment one last time... Perhaps that is part of the allure to marriage. That's the one constant you can trust in. A person that will never leave. I'm ready for consistency and rhythm. I'm finding it hard to let go...


"even the things that seem still are still changing... i stay focused on details. it keeps me from feeling the big things. but watch the microscope long enough, things that seem still are still changing."
-ben folds