wanted.

i am currently accepting applications for someone.... anyone... to volunteer and make God-centered decisions regarding the rest of my life. any takers?

benefits include:
a stress-free robin.. much more enjoyable to be around than a crazed twentysomething trying to find her way.
sufficient payment in the form of chocolate eggs. mmmm....
intangible benefits that are too good to mention on here. ;)
i have a hat i could probably give you.
and i'm sure the Lord would reward you in your pursuit of Him in regards to a clear path for my walking.

so.... anyone?

hold to Him.

i am grateful that the Lord cares about me enough to take away even those things that i am convinced i need and want. i feel a different kind of broken. i am amazed at how the Lord prepares us and is so faithful. i'm thankful for the peace and the grace to feel love and pain and brokenness. i think God forgets that i need a break or at least something constant to hold to. orrrr... he's just trying to teach me that i need to hold to him alone and let him be my only constant. that's probably more like it.

things i am thankful for:
a God who is bigger and more involved in my life than i can even begin to imagine.
friends who love me and are so good to me.
shane & shane. jeff johnson. rich mullins. bethany dillon. and john mayer.
painting.
colby.. my iPod, of course. ;)
the amazing, big sky.
memories.

sorry.. just needed a little reminder for myself.
God is GOOD.

what if...

yesterday i was wondering what it would be like to live in a world where guys and girls' restrooms were no longer separate. random... yes. but let's think about this for a sec. if we never divided the genders, would it be such a big deal that they are separate. i mean.. of course now that we have had boys and girls rooms for such a long time, it would just be weird if we now decided that these two should become one. but what if there was never a difference? would we feel as though something was wrong?

or how about the drinking age. what if we never had a drinking age, and teenagers could gulp as they see fit? would they be out of control in their consumption? or would it be less of a big deal simply because everyone could do it? is the allure just in the fact that they cannot do it? i wonder..

or what if girls didn't shave their legs? now i know.. you're thinking GROSS. but if we had never felt the smoothness of a freshly shaved calf, would we really think it was that out of place? we simply wouldn't know any better.

i know.. weird post. but i was just thinking about how many of our actions are based on societal norms and not hardened facts of nature. things could be different in another world at another time. we've created this world. i just think that's so interesting.

that is all.

interconnectedness.

"Why is it that people get married?
Because we need a witness to our lives.
There’s a billion people on the planet.
What does any one life really mean?
But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything…
The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things,
All of it… all the time, every day.
You’re saying “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.
Your life will not go unwitnessed - because I will be your witness.”
Wife in the movie, "Shall We Dance?" 2004

i love this explanation of marriage and just being connected to others in general. i've been reading a book lately, and it talks a lot about interdependence with people and how this has become a lost art among our culture. we emphasize independence and self-sufficiency over leaning upon others. i've been thinking through this a bit and realized that i'm not even really sure what it looks like to be interdependent. but i have come to appreciate a few deep relationships over several shallow ones, and allowing myself to be vulnerable in an attempt at being known. it seems that we all long for someone to take notice of our lives and walk along beside us. but this community must be fought for. it doesn't come easy with the voices of culture resounding in our ears telling us to look out for number one and don't trust anyone other than yourself. perhaps one day i will have a better grasp on this. for now, building authentic community will be the focus of some attention for me.

protesting the microwave.

i've decided that i'm tired of living in a microwave society. while i do enjoy many of the conveniences of the world in which we live....
........cars...................................
.................cell phones.............
......wireless internet..............
.....................electricity...........
.............tivo..............................
...............digital cameras.......
....hot water.............................
...........fast food........................
just to name a few....

i am also unconvinced that most of these things serve to actually better our lives. in an attempt to make everything so much simpler, we have complicated the universe beyond reason. instead of using a travel agent to make vacation arrangements, we have loads of information at our fingertips to get the absolute best price. we try this day and this airline and this hotel and hope that it equals the most efficient option. in reality, it overwhelms us with more information than we can sort through. this need for control permeates every aspect of our lives, eventually leading to a societal breakdown. (this is my prediction, at least).

fast food makes us fat. high-speed internet makes us impatient. tivo makes us demanding. and advil makes us numb to the slightest pain so we don't know how to deal when real pain comes our way.

today i want to move somewhere away from the bustle and need for convenience. i know this will pass as soon as i want my tall vanilla non-fat latte, but for now, i long for something more.

end rant.

the art of being known.

i asked the Lord two years ago for deeper relationships, and i am just now really beginning to take a look back and appreciate all that he has done in these two years. i can see how i was virtually horrified of letting anyone close enough to see that i'm not perfect. my anthem to the world:
"you will never know who i really am inside. you only see what i can't hide. and if you even see that much, then stop right there. that's close enough." -levi smith

but the Lord has broken me and made me less than satisfied with superficial relationships that stroke my ego and hide my insecurities. i have learned through home group and trying to walk through life living authentically, that only in times of great vulnerability can you truly be known and encouraged. i have learned to share my failings and that with friends i have grown to trust, these confessions are never met by judgmental eyes or pitiful remarks, but with mourning and love. this is a beauty of christian community that i feel few other people are able to experience. it saddens me that most christians even, are unable to tear down their pride enough to experience this blessing.

also, i've come to learn the beauty in knowing a person and truly being known. what it's like to take down your guard and decide that you are really going to give this thing called love a shot. oh what a great risk to share yourself and have no guarantee of this person's reaction. but being known is one of the deepest longings of our heart, and with such deep water, much risk is present. as chandler has often said, we are called to love, no matter what the other person's response may be. oh, to appreciate the beauty and depth of a love that cannot be swayed. a love that is diligent and puts its own desires to sleep in the light of caring for another. my prayer today is that i may learn this kind of love. for i feel it greater than any other thing we could experience in this broken world.