The Garcia Life

I can't believe July is already here. I'm at this weird place of waiting. I usually don't deal so well with these places of life, but I actually feel confident with where I am. I feel like I am blindly stepping out on faith, but I have a strong confidence that God's plan will prevail and reveal itself in His timing. I have quit my apartment job. I've been there for exactly 2 years. Hard to believe. It was bittersweet to leave. A piece of my heart is with those kids and the residents of that sweet community. But through some recent drama and a strong feeling of closure, I am sure this is the path that must be taken.

Monday I start my ECAP class. I am excited to actually have the chance to learn about teaching and gain some confidence in where I feel God is leading me. I know that right now I have a passion for kiddos, but it will be nice to have some solid knowledge to back that up so I can feel confident going on interviews and walking into a classroom.

The end of my three weeks class will mark our One Year Anniversary. Crazy. Beautiful. Ben and I are excited to be planning a trip down to Fredricksburg. I am excited to experience my very first Bed & Breakfast atmosphere, and we are both pumped to get away and have some time alone. It will be so nice to get some rest and have time to reflect upon the past year. The good.. the things we need to work on. Plus.. we get to enjoy some delicious wedding cake. Very excited about this.

God has been so gracious to us. Always providing. Giving us peace. We have started going to Fielder Road Baptist here in Arlington, and that has been such a blessing so far. We have been meeting the sweetest people, and are excited about the community we are finding there. We even met some couples that live in our apartment complex, so we found replacements for our friends that have left us. ;) That's not true... you guys can never be replaced, but I am looking forward to meeting some more people in the area. We shall see what great things God has in store for us there.

I feel like this is just a State of the Union address of the Garcia family. Maybe that is ok, because I feel that many of our friends may have missed on some of these new developments. I wish I had some witty banter, but this will have to do.

Until next time....

Trading it all for HIM.

It's already been 9 months since Ben and I got married. On the one hand, it seems like time has passed so quickly. On the other, it seems that we've been married forever. Time has a funny way of doing that.

It's been such an interesting time of learning, stretching, growing. I never realized how difficult it would be not really having stable jobs. Money stress is new to me, and at times, it's been too much for me to handle. But I know God is sovereign in all of this and has had his hand working through it all. The day after Ben proposed, my company let me know that they were going to cut my hours to a third of what I was working. What a sense of humor there, God. This year has been quite a journey of self-discovery, though. Taking a hard look at what I want out of life and how to get to a place of where we want to be. Realizing the dark things in my life that have been left unexposed until tested and tried. Learning to lean on my sweet husband and his faith that God always provides. And he has. God has proven faithful. Each month I am amazed to see that somehow, it all works out. There have been weeks where we have been working so much that we hardly see each other, and then weeks where we can't seem to catch any hours. I've learned that inconsistency is not something I easily deal with. I feel like we are just approaching the climax of everything. Stepping out on faith that God will provide a teaching job for me in the fall, and in the meantime, giving up a good portion of my income to make that happen. I just keep reminding myself that God is faithful and that he provides. And what's more... He is enough. Stuff doesn't satisfy. I don't need things to make me happy. He is beautiful to show me that all I have is given by him and we are to loosen our grip on the things he has graciously placed in our lives. I pray for this kind of faith. A sweet reminder that our life is not our own....

A beautiful thing to add.

I was at one of my three jobs the other day, and the manager of the apartments looked out the window and noticed a dad playing with his little girls on the playground. She told me that his girlfriend had died recently in a motorcycle accident, and following her death, her mother took his children from him. She tried to get child support from him and told people he did terrible things to his children. The manager went to court with him and he had just won his kids back on Friday. I felt like I was experiencing the end of a movie when all is finally well and a daddy gets to catch his little girl as she zooms down the slide.

beautiful.

little joys.

I am learning more and more to appreciate the little joys in life. Sweet kisses from my husband before we go to sleep. Mr. Bruce chasing his tail and acting all cute. An old man talking about the 'good ole' days. A daddy holding his daughters hand in the store. An afternoon nap. Sweet piano playing from My Love. Green lights. A good meal with friends. So much beauty lies in simple, everyday places. We just don't often take time to appreciate them.I constantly feel my heart tugging to enjoy these things. But there's another pull on my heart. It's so easy to settle for less and desire things above the joys God offers us. I want stuff. I want new clothes or new things for my house. To go out and consume, consume, consume. With less discretionary money than my college years, I am realizing more and more how I want to feel my heart with stuff to make me happy. The thing is, the newness always wears off and then I want new things. I pray that I can learn to find all of my joy in the experiences and beauty that God offers all around. So I leave you with some beauties that stir my heart.

snow. with my love(s).

touchdown dancing. in the cowboys endzone.

rollerskating.

and last, but certainly not least, these lovely ladies.

optimism.

I had a couple of really good conversations with some sweet friends last week. I've been doing a great deal of thinking about optimism ever since. Over the past year or so, I feel that I have let my heart slowly harden and grow bitter from life. I feel a constant stream of slammed doors to opportunities I felt would ease my burden and carry me toward the place I want to be. My general cheery demeanor and optimism has seemed to seep from my heart and taken a bit of compassion along with them. In my thinking, I have realized that it takes more than just saying I need to be optimistic. Hopeful. I have to have a reason for hope. Optimism is rooted out of a heart that is peaceful and has found joy. Hope is an overflow of a heart that is fully satisfied. Something deeper than a contentment with what life has brought. It's about more than endurance of life as it is. Hope is aware of the sovereign God who holds all things in his hands. A God whose love is unmatched and unshaken and is working each and everyday for my good. A beautiful thing. This is what I want. This is what I am praying for right now in my life. A peace and joy that overflows with hope and colors every other part of my life. He is good and speaking sweetly to my soul this morning.

Psalm 39:7
"And now, Oh Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you."

my husband, the comedian.

Ben is such a great counterpart for me. I get so serious sometimes, and he makes me chill out and remember to laugh. I remember a conversation with my roommates in college about the number one thing we want in our husbands. Both of theirs was 'funny'. That's the one thing they most required. A man that could make them laugh. They were shocked when I told them that trait wasn't even on my radar. I needed a thinker. A smart man. Someone 'deep'. I couldn't be more grateful that I was wrong and that God blessed me with a man that is not only smart, but really funny.

For example, we were getting Mr. Bruce spiffed up (ya know... like an oil change) at Pet Smart. While we were waiting for the nice lady to finish his 'pawdicure', we were looking for a new toy for him since he has pretty much chewed all of his up. We came across a chocolate flavored bone chew toy. I thought it was kind of weird, but Ben's reaction was much stronger. "That's the dumbest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. That's like making a toy for kids that tastes like gasoline so that whenever they come across the real thing, they eat it right up since it's a TREAT." Now I don't know if that's gonna translate, but it was hilarious in that moment.

Also, you have not experienced 'The Bachelor' at its best if you have not watched it with Mr. Garcia. I hope I always think he is as funny as I do now. I'm learning that laughter is the best medicine and life is so much more fun if you laugh hard and often. More evidence that God knows better than I what is best for my life. A truth filled with peace.

My friend, Jen, shared this on her blog yesterday. I love it.
"We may fear we are so impeded by fretting, petty cares that we are gaining nothing; but when we are not sending any branches upward, we may be sending roots downward."

As expressed in my last post, lots of things are up in the air. I am still working meager hours at my job. I pick up subbing jobs when my will and providence collide. ie. I'm not extremely consistent with the choosing. I had an interview with DBU the other day about a possible position. I should find out next week if that is a deal, or if there will be more waiting. I am still in the process of becoming certified to teach in the fall. At this point, we're up for almost anything. Just ready for a change. We'll see.

In the meantime, it's hard not to feel like I am just watching life pass me by. It's easy to be lazy when you feel there is nothing to do. My parents gave me a sewing machine for my birthday. That has been nice. An opportunity to create something. So I'm getting quite a collection of aprons (pictures to be posted soon). I have a desire to read something really great, but never seem in the mood to find something and then be still long enough to read.

In the words of John Mayer, "It's just a season thing. It's just this thing that seasons do." Perfectly ambiguous to sum up life right now. It just is what it is. I feel ready to tackle the new thing. Just waiting to figure out what that new thing is.

As I lay here in bed, next to my sweet, sleeping husband (a 5am bible study will do that to you) and my puppy cuddled up between us, the only thing I realize I can do is enjoy this time. I want nothing more than for us to have 9-5 jobs right now that provide financial security and allow us time together. The 'American Dream' looks frighteningly appealing right now. But this is where we are. Nights alone while Ben works and goes to school. Random points during the day together when we're both actually home together. For now, this is how it must be. So I need to just embrace it and have fun. I always want to remember to have fun. I get in such a serious mode that I can't allow myself to have fun. I want to work on that. And everything else, well I know He's got it figured out and it will all come together in his time. I'm learning to appreciate each brushstroke because He is working a masterpiece in my life. It's just hard to see at times.

seasons.

As Dallas is in this crazy season we call winter, I feel as though life is following suit. Each week during winter in Texas seems like a fresh start. One week, the cold of the north blows in and coats, scarves, and mittens must come out. The next, we are basking in the sunshine of a balmy 72. Rain comes one day, and 'snow' the next. Ice storms, hail, wind. You never know what you are going to get week by week during winter in Texas. Such is life...

Ben and I are trying to figure out our next steps. Ever since we got married, both of us feel like we've been in a holding pattern. Trying to keep dreaming in check with reality and the 'responsibility' of adulthood. It's been an interesting balance. One day, we feel like we could grow wings and fly away somewhere crazy and begin anew. The next, the thoughts of that scare us into dreaming up a comfortable life right here. I've come to a place of contentment. Occasionally, I still get overwhelmed and stressed and impatient at God for not giving me exactly what I want right now. But overall, I don't know what life holds, I do know I am in His hands, and that ultimately, He will guide us to the place that will bring more of Him into our lives. His glory and sanctification should be our goals more than the logistics of day to day life.

So we wait.
and wait.
and wait some more.

I've been in seasons like this before. It never works out how I ever would have imagined. Lessons learned: I cannot figure out or understand what God is doing. He eventually will reveal his plan. And then peace.....will follow. Until then, I pray for strength and peace to wait.

My hope is that by the time Texas is back to it's perpetual heat of summer, life will be a little more constant, as well. But even if it isn't, I know He is good. And that must be enough for my heart to know.

2010.

New Year's Resolutions:

1. Eat better. I've read the books and watched the documentaries. Now it's time to really focus some energy on being a healthier person. Eliminate as much high fructose corn syrup as possible, and eat lots of organic fruits and veggies. Little to no fast food. And sodas...you've got to go.

2. Run. I've never been a runner, but this is my year. I am determined to experience that runner's high I've heard so much about. And 8 mile Turkey Trot...this year, you are mine.

3. Clean. My apartment drives me crazy when it's a mess. Although it's proven a little harder with a husband around, I am determined to make sure we have a clean home each night before we go to bed and that "stuff" does not pile up everywhere. Clutter, you will not own me this year.

4. Record. My journaling has all but disappeared from my life in 2009. A very strange occurence for me since I generally go through one or two journals each year. But this year, I will face my demons once again, meeting with the Lord and recording all the things he is doing in my heart.

5. Budget. Ben and I tried a very structured budget, and we failed pretty badly. Dave Ramsey says it will take you 3 or 4 months to get it down. After one, we gave up. I'm determined to get us back on track so that we are as wise as we can be with our money.

Those are the big ones. I'm so excited that I have a sweet husband to walk alongside me and keep me accountable this year. 2010.. I am ready for you.